Making love to yourself should be a prerequisite to having sex with others. We have prerequisites for University why not in the bedroom (my “take me serious hat” is on backwards). Imagine how much more enjoyable our encounters can be if every participant knew exactly or had a good idea on how to excite themselves and/or reach orgasm.

I understand that masturbating has a negative stigma against it. Then again, everything that seems to make us feel good has a less than positive stigma. Hell, I fell for the hairy palms joke several times in my teens (cue in I have a bad memory).  When I fell for it a feeling of embarrassment and slight shame would overwhelm me. If I had known then what I know now, my feelings would be different.

Learn to Navigate yourself.

When we get down to the nitty gritty who knows you better than yourself. The great thing about masturbating is that it is something you can do for yourself that has a 99.9% success rate of making you feel amazing. On top that it is a great time to explore what ideas, thoughts, and/or images that turn you on. This is also a great time to see what parts of your body is more sensitive to touch. A great time to learn what pattern/routine/strokes you perform that help you feel tremendous pleasure.

What I am getting at is that Masturbation is more than just getting off (orgasm). It is a great time to learn about YOU and what excites you.

Self-Exploration

Self-Exploration sadly does not come with a manual. Self-Exploration is one of the few things in this world that has no rules, no limits, and no guidelines. The possibilities are endless! Personally, I think that it is best to explore yourself when in a comfortable and safe place. Remember only good can come from this. Pleasure is something that we should all experience, at the same time it does take work.

Pleasure is not about the destination, it is about the journey.

Try This

For those of us who have a masturbation routine already, jump to the starred paragraph below. For those who don’t I recommend starting off some place warm, with privacy, and comfortable e.g. your bed, bathtub, couch, etc. To help get things started you can start off by thinking about the last enjoyable sex you had or think about/find images of a person, a body type, or a scene that turns you on. For this you have magazines, videos, and your brain (biggest sex organ).

***Now depending on how wet you are (girls) and how hard you are (guys) I think it’s best to start with some lube on your fingers/hands. Ladies saliva is an easy start if you don’t have any lube. Fellas cream, coconut oil, baby oil, the possibilities are endless. The idea is to prevent chaffing.

Now when it comes to the motions you are on your own. You will need to try different hand gestures and see what exactly feels good. As your excitement rises begin touch different parts of your body, insert fingers or safe objects in and around different parts. You will be surprised to learn what gestures/touches/thoughts help build up your excitement. On the same note you will also learn what will help you achieve orgasm.

Sharing Your Findings

This is one of the keys to amazing sex, sharing the different thing that turn you on while masturbating. This is the equivalent to handing your partner a map to your treasure chest (pleasure). I understand the though of sharing what turns you can be scary, this where you need to be brave and go for it. Granted if you have built a judgment-free zone you will feel safe in doing so. It may take several times for your partner to learn just how you like it. Remember pleasure is not about the destination, it is about the journey.

Addendum: Mood Setting

Before I forget some of us like having a certain mood/vibe set up. To aid the use of candles, dimmed lights, temperature, and music can all play part in your solo pleasure exploration. Some of us have that song that just gets us going, or if you are like me you have several playlists some for the rough and wild experience and another for a more sensual experience. The mood you set is up to you.

For the ladies a song about loving yourself and playing with you 10 friends 😉